i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
