I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
