I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
