JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
