I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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