Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
