Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
