sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
