It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize