..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The power of my boobs compel you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
