Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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