Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
