Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
