I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to be your penis for a week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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