Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
