i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
