you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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