You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
