based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
