I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
