You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
