I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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