she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
