we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
