i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
