I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
