I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
