That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry about my life...
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