I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
