I wish my penis had an off switch
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize