sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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