Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
