I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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