used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
