you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
