it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
