So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's get the cat blown out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
