the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
