I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
