Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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