The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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