I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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