new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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