so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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