Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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