I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
