So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize