She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
