i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
