Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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