I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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