I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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