yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
