i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this boner is exhausting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
