Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
