I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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