She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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