then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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