I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
