I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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