you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
