it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
