just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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