He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
