tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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