saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
